“Parenting Without Regret” is an interesting book to read.  Beyond the idea the authors present, which is to incorporate Jesus’ teachings in parenting, I find I have different belief’s about Jesus and his message.  I don’t argue with other peoples personal beliefs generally, and specifically when such beliefs concern another person’s spirituality.

However, I would like to take this opportunity to share my beliefs about how I think about parenting, now that I am much older and my three wonderful children have grown into their 50’s.  I also have no regrets like the author’s express.  However, my reasons may be quite different than the reasons given in this book.  I try not to regret the past.  If there are better choices about parenting I am aware of now, and there are, it is better for me to enter the process of making amends rather than feel regret.  Energy is best spent in the moment, not on being sorry over past decisions, which as it is with all that has past, the reality about it is its now not here.

This does not mean the changes that have over the years come to my thinking about parenting are not based on learning from the past.  They are, and they are very significant and play a major role in how I interact with my children today.  These are  changes which I believe are a part of my everyday interaction with my now grown up children. God’s grace has played the major role, perhaps the only role, in the current gifts of parenting.  Given what I know now and how I think today toward them, the following is what I strive to teach today. Some of it is in accordance with the teachings in the Siebert’s book.  But I will leave that to you to decide what is and what is not, if you decide to the Seibert’s book.

Jesus’ teaching is always about love. Thus our teaching at all times must be the same. In this world we love in the form of forgiveness.

We don’t have to earn or make sacrifices for love, it is our inheritance and we have never been without it, nor will we ever be without it. It is our choice to recognize it, or not.

Ask Jesus and the Holy Spirit for guidance in your thinking and behavior. Believe me, if you will, he is around.  But, check out the question and the answer with a skin and bones trusted friend

Everyone in this world makes mistakes, because the world itself is our mistake, occurring from our separation from God. However, God never stops loving us and every mistake we make is corrected by the Holy Spirit.

God is perfect and so are we, as we are as God created us.

Everyone in this world is Spirit. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. We strive to do our best in whatever we do.  Our bodies can be trusted learning devices while we are here, if we choose to join with the Holy Spirit in using them as such.  They are neutral and completely controlled by our minds.

Our experience here in this world is not real because nothing separated from God can be real. We can live best in our separated world by offering service to others through the Holy Spirit, and seeing everyone as a child of God.  Exactly as you are.

God never punishes His children, although many of us think He does. The reason we think this is because we think God can get angry with us when we make a mistake and must meet out punishment to correct us. It is only our own self concept that tells us this.  Since God never punishes, doesn’t even know what it is, we should never punish.

God gave us His Voice in the Holy Spirit, The Corrector, who corrects every mistake we make and helps us to learn of and unlearn all the blocks to love we have made in the name of our mistakes.

As Christians, Jesus is our savior. He came to take away the sins of the world. If you hear someone talk about sin, remind yourself the only sin here is what we form from guilt about our mistakes and poor choices. Thus it might be said the only sin her is forgetting all mistakes are corrected. We do have part in this correction, but the final correction is made at the point of the mistake and it is immediate and we are never punished by God.  Although making stupid mistakes bring pain from the mistake itself.   You can always choose again. The word you will hear is “repent”, which means simply to turn in the right-minded direction. Away from wrongmindedness.

There are miracles going on all the time in this world. They are here to show us the way home to God and His Kingdom. Dear children, you will participate in miracles. Offer yourself to Jesus, remember your only function here is forgiveness, and you will see their striking effects in your lives.

Jesus is in charge of all miracles that relate to this part of God’s plan for your salvation. Just as there is no order to miracles, none bigger than others, there is no order to what we think of as “sin.” We make up sin to appease God thinking He will punish us. It only seems there are some separations bigger than others.  All separation is separation, there are no degrees of it.  Like God wither is, or He isn’t.  In our minds only of course.    God does not condemn and therefore doesn’t forgive. Forgiveness  is our function in this world. God is perfectly innocent and cannot see sin, nor make guilt.  Therefore, no condemnation, no punishment, no nothing negative when it comes to his children.

Thinking you are better than anyone else, or you are not in unity with everyone in this world, all under our Heavenly Father, is a mistake, dear children; and, you will feel guilty because in thinking so, we separate ourselves from God. He never separates from us. We will always feel guilty when we separate from our Source. Even though it is impossible to do so.

My beloved children, never fall into guilty thinking, that there is some price you must pay for a mistaken choice about anything.  You are created in happiness and therefore must be happy.  Misery is optional.  So happiness must be your default.

Remember, children, guilt is what you choose. God will never make you feel guilty, nor should you make others feel guilty.  Which you will  do if you let yourself feel guilty.  We do have a nice way of dealing with guilt: forgiveness.

Special relationships in the world are always our way of trying to prove our special connections with others are about love, as we define love.  God does not make specialness, we do. We do this to prove we can separate from Him.

Alas, the Holy Spirit takes every special relationship and turns it into a Holy Relationship — our true oneness with God, joining with another in relationship with God. Which is the only relationship there is.  Although this is an inevitable result of His work, it will help you if you wake up and watch the show.

Now hold on to your hats:  Jesus is our brother, who through God’s grace while undergoing terrible physical suffering withstood much pain, not because our Father ‘sent His only begotten Son here to be sacrificed for us”, but because Jesus could and did completely avoid making the separated world real for himself. He therefore become the Savior of this world. However, the reality Jesus sees, he sees through Christ’s vision, in Whom our true unity with God remains unchanged by anything we do. Yes, we can make up a separated world, but that does make it real. The only reality is God. And God, as Love, has no opposites, such as a separated world that opposes Him.  Jesus will assure you he walks by you as you  become entirely ready to join him in our return to Our Father.

Do not take this world so seriously, “Wear the world as a lose cloak.” As the Bible tells us. However, remember the Bible does not say it is God’s Word, which resides in you and all of us. We can choose to listen at any time.

Teach humility. Do not judge anything in this world, because you do know the truth about anything. I don’t, and you don’t, have all the facts about anything because we made up what we think we see without conscious contact with God. Relieve yourselves of the terrible burden of judgement and let the Holy Spirt judge for all of us. He does have all the facts.

Never attack a brother or sister, your parents, your own children to be, anyone, for if you do, you will not know yourself. Most people in the world live lifetimes never knowing who they are, where they came from, and why its not a good idea to try to establish any kind of permanence here. The only permanence is in your home in heaven in your own eternal life. This is difficult because we all think we need to defend ourselves. We don’t. If you wind up defending yourself remind yourself its human, back up and protect the truth you know:  all defense is an attack on your own invulnerability. Which is of God.

Jesus says he is no holier than we are, but just be very certain that you avoid ever thinking you are any holier than anyone here.

It is likely you will see much in the world that will bother you, dear children. But remember you are in charge of your perception, although you will surely think otherwise. Our perceptive minds seem to rule our kingdom because they are projections of how we feel:  that all feelings are coming from something outside our minds. There isn’t anything outside your mind.

Notwithstanding your sorrow and suffering, and happiness, either through your own forgiveness or your efforts to forgive all, will be seen as God sees. Cling to the truth, the purity of your heart in all you do, and God will then take the last steps to Him, for you and everyone.

No one gets left behind in salvation. All you really need is a passing grade.  Jesus, and other saviors of the world, wait for everyone, because they will not enter the Kingdom without all God’s children who are all their brother and sisters. There is no mastery of anything here. We can, and will, join Jesus in taking all the tiny steps God asks of us. God shares everything with you and He surely will share your last advance toward Him. He waits, because He is not complete without you.

I love you guys.

2 thoughts on “Parenting Without Regret, by Jimmy and Laura Seibert, remarks by Bob Pajer

  1. Really interesting perspective about our relationship to Jesus and our holy father. I love reading your essays. Thank you.


  2. Really interesting perspective about our relationship to Jesus and our holy father. I love reading your essays. Thank you. I wish you had explained the authors ideas a bit more to see the contrast. But I certainly agree with so many of your thoughts. Parenting is hard work and the more love and forgiveness of our “mistakes” makes it easier to carry a loving relationship into our children’s adulthood. Forgiving ourselves and our children is the only way to to this. Indeed, love and affection are what makes it all worthwhile. ❤️


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